Containers and Foil, a Terrible Duo

 All right. I’ll just come out and say it. You know those containers that we all use to store leftovers?   The plastic ones that come in all shapes and sizes our mothers previously dubbed,”Tupperware” no matter what the brand?  Well, I store mine in a cabinet just under my coffee maker next to to the aluminum foil. I’d love to tell you I had them stacked just so with the matching lids lined up utilizing a fancy organizational device of some kind for ease of use. Yeah, I don’t. More than half of them  are missing lids or have some sort cracked side or even a red stain from pasta nights gone by to where last night’s leftovers found themselves placed into a round container covered up only with a crumpled piece of  said foil.  I suppose that's why I store the foil there so that it can serve as a makeshift lid in dire times. How is it no matter how many of these containers I buy, we always end up here? A disorganized mess of little utilitarian value.

I was pondering whether or not the amazing bursting tomato feta spaghetti squash I made would really keep under the crumpled up foil to where it would be safe to eat later. It occurred to me in that moment, we never had leftovers as kids as my father always encouraged us to clean our plates with the one simple phrase,"go ahead, it won't be any good in the morning."  Depression era thinking, as he was born in the early 30's, which is probably why my mother's own containers always seemed intact, as we didn't use them much.  Adulthood, learning portion control and getting healthy introduced me to leftovers, but created this container problem  nonetheless.

As my mind was wandering through all of this, it was time for my morning meditation. As of late, as I continue to navigate the stress of life and the grief over my father's death, I have found a lot of much needed stillness in meditation. However, I was not so lucky to find that today.  During my session, the instructor brought up this notion of taking that moment to make yourself comfortable in you own container, a metaphor for this body I reside in every day. 

This caused me to pause a minute, because I wasn't totally sure this was possible. My container has been through so much change in the last 4 years since I contracted COVID the first time. I went into the pandemic in the best shape of my life both mentally and physically.  However, over the years there have been metabolic changes related to the medications to treat my long COVID high blood pressure and intermittent racing heart, and food allergies causing skin changes and GI issues.  As if that was not hard enough, it all was made dramatically worse with the onslaught of as our mothers referred to it, "the change" better known as menopause. Admittedly, this container looks different than it did preCOVID despite a healthy diet and routine exercise. 

If I’m being honest, it occurs to me that I love these changes about as much as I love the crumpled foil covering my amazing spaghetti squash. It was in these quiet moments of meditation that I began to realize all of those body image issues I settled into throughout a childhood of obesity and bullying had begun to creep into my thoughts and take over again.  Instead of the comfort and stillness I was to find fitting together body and mind as instructed, I really felt like a disorganized red stained mismatched container without a lid that fit. 

Realizing there was no way for me to successfully complete this exercise at this time, I set out to do something different.  I decided it was time to see what this container can actually do right now and see if I could find that mind/body connection some other way.  After being on the fence for the last few weeks, I took the plunge and pledged to do a 31 mile bike ride over the course of two days, which happens in two weeks.  My first Pelofondo, an event sponsored by the Peloton community, where you pledge miles over a weekend, both personal and team miles, may the highest team mileage win.  I then joined a team who have already given me such a warm welcome and are cheering me on.  Today, I conquered almost 15 miles which is just 1.25 miles less than I will need to do on Pelofondo weekend, and tomorrow I plan to do another 15 to be sure I am ready.  I also realized, it's not like I don't do this caliber of riding routinely, as I have done 376 spin classes in 67 weeks which doesn't even include the walking I have done plus a load of other things to bring me to 572 total workouts in the same amount of time.  I also find myself routinely in the top of the leaderboard, all things I tend to forget about as somehow negative body image notions had just become louder than the sounds of success.  

As anyone who knows me will attest to, my fighting spirit is not going to take this failed meditation and walk away until I can once again find that balance of mind and body.  Therefore, going forward, I think it's time I literally and figuratively throw out that crumpled up foil I use for negative thoughts and poor food storage, and then toss out all of the stained up broken containers that represent my downplaying of actual physical success and start all new, because much like my amazing spaghetti squash, without the proper storage and care, there's no way I can begin to recover from that dynamic duo known as COVID and menopause.  As for my container problem?  You guessed it.  They are gone.  Tossed in the dumpster never to be seen again.  I now find myself the owner of shiny new containers where my amazing squash has been transferred with care, because much as I loved my dad, one thing I learned throughout my 8 year health journey, food is truly still good in the morning.